The future, my future

Most of us come to a point of our lives where we are bound to make a decision that decides whatever comes next. By whatever I mean everything.

Graduated from high school almost a year ago and I remember contemplating almost every day about what I'm about to do next. Because its where everyone starts running to very, very different pathways when all that was before were pretty much planned by others even before we were born. But now, we are left with the responsibility to acknowledge our purpose and destinations and decide on one. just. one.

The optimistic phrase of 'I would do anything' will not come in handy now, neither does 'I don't want to do anything'. We breathe, eat and sleep to live for tomorrow and tomorrow we must have a mission or all these breathing, eating and sleeping are meaningless. For all you know, those who do not have a mission will not survive. I'm talking in terms of life, we are considered dead if there is no mission. Because we live for ourselves, and doing nothing for ourselves should signify that we're not.. 'alive'.

One year has passed since I took on this decisive journey and I believe it is my turn to decide on my mission. Architecture.

No matter how many negative reviews I've heard from various sources, including my own father, I'd have the tendency to look around for more options and it filters back to the profession, Architecture. I had no solid reasoning for my choice back then, but after countless considerations and thoughts put into my future, I don't know if there is any other course that would suit me better. Honestly, I had no idea what I preferred.

BUT

I realise all these reviews I heard were not of my worries because the problems proposed were not any sort of restriction, but irritation and fear. I could be wrong, but to me it is just unethical for one to complain about bringing fine art in the form of buildings and thinking that not enough was given in return when these architects or future architects have offered  or would offer a solid masterpiece in their own name. If I were capable of doing so, I'd be proud, really proud that I was given the chance to design a home, facility or even an  inspiration for the people. Money should not be a case of concern as I feel that it only provides a sense of security, instead of a main priority. I could be a hypocrite but this is what I wish to achieve, this attitude I want to nurture and live as a career. Constantly putting myself in a dilemma will only kill me more, because I am oblivious if there are any better options for me and so far, it should be this one. I have to decide, and this should be my mission.

Mean

It is essential for one to feel for another.
Insults, discrimination and disrespect. I have to admit that my overall college life involves most of these three traits, but that's if I'm seeing it from a different point of view. I am influenced, and at times carried away by the enthusiasm of the happenings in the class of SP6. Whether or not this is a sin or a spice of life, only a neutral person can tell. The persistence of this infamous attitude, though, is due to the laughter and exciting atmosphere it brings to the class. Honestly, I disagree, I do not fancy some of these "jokes" that is made by and for some of us. But we keep an open mind and heart. We forgive but not forget, and hope that we are in control of our own emotions, as I should be. I shall not forget my roots.

Punch this in my head

NO SUCCESS WILL COME WITHOUT EFFORT

..and understanding

..and passion

..and motivation

..and support

..and concentration

..and thought

..and ability

..and sacrifice

and.. failure.

Titanium

The way this song is constantly playing on the radio definitely got me thinking it's just one of those heavy-beat/crazy club songs. Then a friend of mine surprised me by saying this was one of the many songs that his class did for creative writing assessment, and it was about hardship. So I watched and listened. Now I think I have to list this song down as one of the songs that will motivate me to do anything. It's funny how a some song signifies so many meaningful things.

Luka

English - Creative writing (practice for internal assesment)

As the adult Luka, write a personal reflection of your childhood.

            I didn’t know whether to feel thankful or hatred for them. I sat in the empty church with a well suited military uniform as the coffin of both my parents stood before me, waiting to be buried. Considering all the time that they spent ill-treating me at home, I wasn’t surprised that no one came to honor the death of my parents. I instantly began to dwell on the horrifying memories that made me who I am today.

            I’ve always felt like I was entering some kind of a wrestling match whenever I walked into the apartment we used to live in. The only difference is that I couldn’t fight back, which made me felt like a prisoner. The way I see it, a more specific way of describing the “wrestling arena” would be a caged one. I’d run but the result would remain the same; the torture from my parents wouldn’t end until my eyes were soaked while theirs, without reasoning, were fiery.

            I was young and naive, which didn’t help at all. I had no power or knowledge for everything that was happening against me. But I grew into the agony and got braver. I accepted the mistreatment like a lost puppy as it was the only option I had; asking why would just deteriorate the situation. “Shut up!” my dad would say, and the next hit came harder. Amidst all the torment, I only had myself to talk to. Although the neighbor downstairs would occasionally question the bruises and scars, I couldn’t go on with the conversations that were full of lies.

            Today, I realized not a single tear flowed from my eyes, despite the fact that it was a shocking road accident that took their lives, I’ve cried enough. But I also comprehended that I was half thankful for without them, I wouldn’t have had the courage to join the army and won battles. Although, every now and then I still find myself wondering if this was what my parents hoped of me. All I know is that I always have been living a life that is true and honest to myself alone, and I’m planning to keep it that way.